The Infinite Space In My Heart

This exquisite pain has cracked open a new space inside of me. I see a rift in the cold, hard ground out of which my addictions have sprung. This space, created from the pain of withdrawal, is precious and new and filled with nothing. That is the beauty of it- there is space where there was no space before. Before, there was dry, cracked ground, hardness, bitterness, ice cold. Now there is a space. Empty space is where infinite possibilities exist. Space is where god can reside. Space is where love can be, anything can be created here. The rending open of my cold, dead heart creates a space of love, the love of god can flow through me as a channel. It is me getting to know myself, to honor who I am un-becoming, pressing rewind back, back, to birth, to conception, when I was a space of possibility as a being. I was being without form, without a label. This sacred space has remained, but had been covered over with pain and self-loathing. It is now opening more and more, with each day that I spend alone, living with myself, treating myself as a precious being. I am opening the doors of my heart and stepping through, seeing it with scales lifted from my eyes for the first time. I don’t need anyone to come through this door with me now to appreciate what’s here. I can stand and admire the rooms of my heart by myself, for myself. I do not need anyone else to approve what they see there in order to make me feel whole, or worthy. I am whole and complete on my own. I will welcome the love of another once I have settled into my heartspace. I will put out a welcome mat when I am ready for someone else to enter. Until then, this is where I am recuperating, alone but not lonely, in the space I now love to call home.

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