Obsessions

What are my obsessions? They have remained fairly consistent since I was 5 years old: boys. At first it was books, then it was boys, booze, and blunts. After I gave up the drink and drug, my obsession went back to boys, with laser intensity, since I had so much energy freed up due to not having to chase that high anymore. I was then able to put all the intensity into obsession with men. I was obsessed with getting them, having them – in the bedroom- and then having their heart, and ultimately their soul. Then I spit them out because I always came to the same dead end: I was left with me. I was also unhealthily obsessed with myself, and still probably am, but am changing. I think that is called neurosis. Once the obsession dissipated with whatever man I was with due to falling out of love with him, my obsession turned to food. It became my delight and pleasure and then I was its bitch and it was my master. I especially was at the mercy of sugar, which is a drug in the body. Another obsession that doesn’t include addictive obsessions is music (it used to be reggae, but has steadily been indie rock for 20 years). I find it sad and alarming I have no healthy obsessions, if there is such a thing. It’s like exercise, I wish I could be obsessed with that, but I know that gets unhealthy for people as well. I am obsessed with tea: matcha is my favorite. I have been obsessed with health, my own and also alternative healing methods as I am a colon hydrotherapist and energy worker. I am obsessed with spirituality and transformation, as well as modalities like tarot cards and energy healing.

What is the difference between passion and obsession? Passion is relating constructively to something of major interest from a state of wholeness. Obsession is losing oneself in whatever one is obsessed with. It is interfacing in an unhealthy manner with said thing. The obsession takes over and controls one’s mind and actions. A passion never does that. It is reserved with a place of reverence in one’s life, a sacred spending of one’s time and energy in a positive way. Obsession is the opposite.

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