Do or Die

I was taken off guard and out of my comfort zone today. I have an intention to be a motivational speaker, so I have started by speaking where I learned it- in 12-step meetings. I volunteered to be the main speaker at the meetings and the past few weeks, I have had the privilege of speaking a number of times. Last night, I attended a well-known speaker meeting, where famous speakers have spoken in the past. My intention was to see if I could speak there. I asked who I would need to talk to about speaking, and was directed to one of the many men in the room with huge earhole stretcher jewelry in their ears. When I asked him about speaking there, Perry averted the question with a question. “Will you speak tomorrow night at the club?” I said yes.  “It’s a 30 minute share on a step, and you roll a die in order to pick the step you share on.” He laughed at the look on my face. “You still want to do it?” I hesitated. I have never shared using that format before and it sounded intimidating. Of course, I still said yes. My god, I’ve been in the program over half my life. I can conjure up 30 minutes of talk on a step, as long as it’s not step 7. The synchronicity of the meeting and how it all played out really pleased me. I knew that the universe wouldn’t have presented that opportunity so quickly if it was going to be a disaster. I surrendered to it and trusted.

I showed up in my Dress of Intention to the nicest Alano club I’ve ever seen. I was greeted with smiles. Perry was there in his ear-holed glory. He told me to identify first, meaning share enough of my drinking experience to allow others to get to know me. He said I could weave the step into my story. That gave me a completely different impression and I felt relieved. I kept imagining myself rolling the die and getting step 11. I got step 2. I was relieved. Afterwards, Perry said I did awesome. “I passed the test, yeah?” He nodded.

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