To Dave

I wonder about you sometimes. If you’re any happier, how your sex life is with your girlfriend, having been together for this long now. Is it anything new, or just the same old comfortable energy like putting on your favorite shoes? Is that how it feels to slip into her? I don’t know you anymore. […]

Torture

The state of my life bothers me all throughout the day. Being in my head all day is killing me. If I woke up afraid and worried at night, it would be about money. Then it layers more fear because of the law of attraction and energy. It would also be about the state of […]

Repair

I have tried to repair my broken heart. I have tried to repair my broken life. I have tried to repair my thinking. I have tried to repair my mind.. I have tried to repair my perceptions. I have tried to repair my beliefs and judgments. What have I truly repaired? I am not sure. […]

What To Leave Out

I’ve thought about this. What if someone actually reads my book? My vision is that I am a NYT best-selling author. That means I am a celebrity in my world, which means I have no privacy. I don’t want to share any secrets in my memoir that would cause anyone further pain. I’ve already caused […]

Wild and Green

I was wild and green in the ways of the world. I was wild as a child, free, and green, naive. I have written of this often. I had no sense of myself. I had no filter. I loved life. I remember hearing on the car radio a news story about a rape, and I […]

Regrets

Regret, a heavy word. I imagine it carrying its own regrets on its back. Regrets shouldering even more regrets. Regrets on top of each other. New ones carrying older ones, they are smaller in size but are denser, their pain bodies more toxic as they’ve lived longer. My earliest regrets stem from my drug and […]

Binge Eating and Watching

In a world with no shame, guilt, judgment, or self-loathing, my favorite recipe is not a meal, it’s an evening. It starts with pizza. Mellow Mushroom Cosmic Karma pizza is my current favorite. I substitute mushrooms for sun-dried tomatoes. I am drinking a Mexican Coke, which is the old Coke formula without corn syrup, made […]